"Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall." - Confucius
Just when he thought he had it all, Dr. Hayden Kho Jr. lost it all. Or so he –and countless other people- thought. Two years ago, Hayden was at the peak of fame and fortune. A handsome, charming and intelligent 6’3" guy at 28 years old, he has already achieved a lot. He also fulfilled his father’s dream of having another doctor in the family and he had a successful medical practice, working in the famous Belo Clinic with his equally famous girlfriend, Dr.Vicki Belo. He has traveled the world as an international model, been the president of the Makati Medical Center’s Interns’ Association and was starting a budding career in showbiz.
So, it came as a big shock to everyone when news came out on Dec. 9, 2008 that Dr. Hayden Kho Jr. wanted to kill himself. Rumors and speculation spread like wild fire. There were stories that Dr. Vicki Belo had seen some videos of Hayden with other women and that some of Hayden close friends betrayed him. Both Dr. Kho and Dr. Belo decided to keep mum initially which made the stories even wilder and crazier. Then, on May 19, 2009, a sex video of actress Katrina Halili and Dr. Hayden Kho was released in the Internet by people still unknown. On May 20, his 29th birthday, Hayden woke up with his name in the headlines of the major dailies and tabloids. His name was maligned both in radio and television.
For almost year, Hayden went through a living nightmare. He was crucified publicly over and over again. He went through a DOJ panel investigation and a senate hearing. He was voted the least trusted person in the Philippines. And the most painful blow came when he lost his medical license for life. It was that, more than anything else, which affected Hayden most, for it broke his father‘s heart. Hayden worked so hard to become a doctor - 9 years of studying, sleepless nights and 36-hour duty days. And what he had achieved was all erased in one fell swoop. Dr. Hayden Kho Jr. felt helpless and hopeless.
Over the months that followed, there was hardly any news on Hayden. Many assumed he no longer had any bright future ahead of him and that his love affair with Dr. Vicki Belo was permanently over. But as Confucius said, "our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall". And Hayden determined to rise up from his fall, and put the pieces of his life back together again.
More than a week ago, many Filipino viewers of the TV show Dancing with the Stars were surprised to see Dr. Vicki Belo and Dr. Hayden Kho together, seated among the audience. A few days later, they were again seen in the seventh row of Staples Centers, watching the LA Lakers’ game vs. Phoenix Suns. And on May 20, the couple joined the Record Breaker Concert stars led by Sarah Geronimo (a Belo endorser), John Prats, Mark Bautista and Charlie Green at a luncheon in the beautiful home of Attorney Michael Gurfinkel in Beverly Hills.
It was Dr. Hayden Kho Jr.’s 30th birthday, and he was ready to give his side of what happened to him in an exclusive interview with the Asian Journal. Looking very fit and refreshed, Hayden is the picture of a man who has come to terms with himself and is at peace. He has been on a spiritual path for the last 5 months. He went on a 4-month soul searching Catholic spiritual retreat in the Philippines and then spent a week in Arizona learning how to meditate.
A true example of the saying "what doesn’t break you, makes you stronger", Hayden has been able to recover from the trauma of the past year and move on with his life. He and Dr. Vicki Belo are together again, proving that "love conquers all". He is also working again as the brand manager of Beauty and Butter, a retail store in Manila that offers beauty services. "The primary reason for my trip to USis actually business. I was sent by Beauty and Butter to look at new anti-aging treatments," revealed Hayden. "Since I was given permission by the court to leave, I maximized the trip by going to the meditation training in Sedona, Arizona. I spent 10 days alone in the desert to "get in touch with my soul", which is the main objective of the meditation course. I’m also planning to launch a business of myown soon, ” revealed Hayden.
“Coincidentally, it’s my birthday month. Vicki was supposed to surprise me in LA but her departure from the Philippines was so publicized, I was able to make her huli. Dancing with the Stars actually was her surprise for me. The Lakers game was my birthday treat to her. I’m a Lakers fan, while she’s for Celtics,” shared Hayden. “I also went to Paris to see Dr. Simonin and Dr Stravinsky. I am hopeful that I will get my license back next year so I’m making arrangements to train with them. Dr. Simonin is the dermatologist of most European stars and models. Dr. Stravinsky, on the other hand, is the dermatologist who went to the Philippines before to introduce facial liposuction in the country through Belo,” he said.
Hayden agrees that God truly works in mysterious ways. Perhaps He allowed Hayden to go through what happened so that he could learn from his mistakes. Now, he wants to live a life that will encourage others to see that there is always hope and forgiveness if one lives a God-centered life.
A wiser Hayden is now ready to share some very valuable lessons he has learned from the past year, namely:
1. “Each of us is capable of doing good and evil. I used to just succumb to temptation without thinking about consequences. I now realize that in every moment, we have to be aware and choose to do the right thing. It’s not easy. But if you fall and make a mistake, do not be discouraged. Get up and set things right immediately.
2. Live a simple life. Don’t get blinded by things like fame and fortune. I used to live a simple and sheltered life. And then I entered showbiz. It was very colorful, intense, and interesting. I felt like I was on a roller-coaster ride. The promise of easy fame and fortune attracted me like a moth to a candle flame. But, you have to be careful- somewhere in the middle it betrays you.
3. Love conquers all. As a result of this traumatic experience, I have learned what love truly is. It is not just passion, and desire. It is also caring for someone so much, that his or her welfare becomes more important than your own. It is believing in their innate goodness and catching them when they fall.
4. Every day in every way, get closer to God. Live a God-centered life and everything will fall into place. Learn to love and forgive yourself as God loves and forgives you.
5. Learn from your mistakes. In a weird way, I’m glad that those things happened to me while I’m still young. I can start over. Bata pa ako, natuto na ako.
6. It is really true that a friend in need is a friend indeed. Martin Luther King, Jr. expressed this so well when he said that in trying times, “we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.” I will always remember and be forever grateful to those who supported me in those very trying times.
7. We must learn to forgive. Engraved in my heart is a quote by Mark Twain -“Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.” You can’t live your life being bitter and angry. It eats you up inside. The only way to peace of mind is through forgiving the other person. Let go and let God.
8. Embrace the pain and accept responsibility for what you’ve done. I’ve been asked many times, “why don’t you just leave the country and start again somewhere?” But I decided I would stay and experience the pain that will teach me lessons. I knew I would learn something from this pain kaya hindi ako tumakas. Many people don’t want to embrace pain; they want to run away from their problems. But, it’s much better to face it. I know that God would not give you something you can’t bear. I stayed. I accepted the responsibility by accepting the pain. I know that there is nothing permanent. This too shall pass.
9. One of the hardest lessons that I’m still working on is not to care too much about other peoples’ opinions. As Dalai Lama said “there are 6 billion people and 6 billion different opinions. If you let everyone’s opinion affect you, you will be a nervous wreck.”
10. Always be in the present. If you keep thinking about the past, you will be filled with regret and attachment. If you keep worrying about the future, you will be filled with anxiety and fear. The thing to do is to bring your past and your future into the present. Your past will bring you wisdom and your future will bring you hope.”
Yes, Hayden Kho Jr. is definitely older and wiser today. And believing that everybody deserves a second chance, Dr. Vicky Belo is happier with the love of her life. The past is behind them and they’re ready to move on. “I’m full of hope right now. The future is fragrant,” Hayden said excitedly.
( Published August 6, 2010 in LifeEASTyle Magazine p. 2 )
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