They say the wedding is really all about the bride…she’s the star of the show, and thus most of the wedding preparations fall on her shoulders. But of course this should not be the case, as it is the special day of the bridegroom as well and thus, he should be involved as much as the bride in all the wedding preparations.
A wedding ceremony is a very special day in the life of every person. Everything including women’s clothes, wedding flowers, wedding bands, etc. must be perfect. Before the day of the wedding comes, a lot of things must be done. Some wedding preparations can give each of us a great deal of fun, but there are things to take care of that definitely will turn out to be more stressful than enjoyable.
Wedding invitations need to be ordered, signed, mailed and received on time; wedding menu needs to be decided on, the wedding catering crew picked out and paid for; the flowers, cakes, and of course, the wedding gown and the groom’s suit…well lots of other things to be done.
The problem is that there are lots of tasks and all of them need to be done simultaneously and on time. The whole thing looks so overwhelming, and that is why most couples simply hire a wedding planner who can take care of everything. But, sometimes couples want a simple wedding; one they can plan themselves.
What it takes to be a blushing bride
“We decided that instead of spending so much on the wedding, we would just have a very simple ceremony and then save the money for our new life ahead. I know of one couple who spent tens of thousands of dollars for the wedding and spent their first year together, paying off debts. We didn’t want that,” admitted Jan C, who got married last year in a civil ceremony in San Francisco with just their parents and siblings in attendance.
Another Filipina American, Lizzie Guzman, said, “I’m a simple kind of gal and enjoy the simplicity of life, and so I wanted my wedding to represent just that. For example, I made my own flowers with crepe paper. It was not only quick, easy and affordable, it also allowed me to have the “perfect” flower that is the flower I wanted in the colors I loved, regardless of the season. Kasi, I got married in December and the flowers I wanted were not available.”
Amirah Limayo, who will be getting married this May to Miko Santos, shared how they prepared for their wedding. “Miko proposed earlier this year - in January. We want to keep our wedding simple, and save up for a big wedding, for our 5th year anniversary.
“Most of the wedding planning decisions are shared by both of us. Many family members and godparents have offered their assistance to ease the wedding planning burden from us. For our wedding, we just want one thing—we want to be surrounded by our families and loved ones who constantly support us. The goal of the wedding should be to just enjoy each other on your special day,” said Amirah.
Maria Gonzalez Mariner, who said “I do!” last year to Terrin Mariner, shared her experience. “Our wedding was a bit of a rush...it was a last minute decision, thus we really didn’t have time to fully plan it. The venue was decided based on budget constraints, the date was decided based on another family event (birthdays), the guest list was limited to family and very close friends, the reception was merged with the birthday celebration. We had to be very mindful of expenses since we didn’t really have it planned, therefore we didn’t really have any money saved,” said Maria, or Mia, as friends and family call her. “I took care of mostly everything but I consulted with Terrin on every major decision except for my wedding dress and shoes. I let my bridesmaids and maid of honor pick their dresses. The music we chose together. Invitations were designed by a cousin but I picked the colors.”
Most couples admit that the stress and pressures of planning for the wedding have caused some disagreements. How did they handle the challenges? Amirah said, “It’s understandable when couples get frustrated with each other during times of pressure. Miko is very patient and we give each other space to breathe and come back to the situation with a clear mind.”
Mia, on the other hand, shared: “The majority of our challenges came with the limited amount of time we had to plan the whole event. It became very stressful as the date drew closer and I also wasn’t in the best mood since I was going through an emotional roller coaster being pregnant :) It was also hard to find a wedding dress that fit :)”
For those planning their wedding soon, Mia has this advice: “Our advice would be to keep it simple! We know that your wedding is probably something that you’ve thought about since you’re a little girl but spending your life savings is not necessary to have a great and memorable day. Keep it small and intimate. Listen to your partner and keep the decisions between the two of you. Don’t let others influence your decision and always keep in mind that your wedding day is between you, your partner and God..and at the end of it all..that’s all that matters.”
The groom’s role: compromise
When it comes to planning a wedding, there’s an old adage for the groom regarding their role: step aside, let the bride take care of it all.
Whether the groom likes it or not, most grooms are nothing but a warm body and an ear to complain to for the bride when something goes wrong during the wedding planning process.
The groom’s No. 1 responsibility and only obligation—show up at the wedding on time.
“In most weddings the groom doesn’t play a big role,” says Vicki Grenas Topacio, wedding planner for Leave A Mark Events. “It’s usually the bride’s responsibility to inform the groom of what’s going on. The groom wants to give his bride a fair tale wedding so he let’s her do whatever she wants. For the most part, the groom doesn’t have a say.”
Grenas Topacio says the reason for this is simple:
“Men and women have different views,” she says, adding that most guys want a quick wedding in Las Vegas or city hall than an elaborate one. “It’s sometimes easier [when the groom steps aside] and the mother of the bride and/ or the groom’s mother take care of everything. The guy usually doesn’t care so it’s better that they are left out.”
For those grooms that do want to be involved in the wedding planning stages, Grenas Topacio offers this simple word of advice: compromise.
Planning a wedding is hectic so it’s important to work together, she says.
Aside from the groom serving as the go-between with his family, friends and the bride’s family, the groom should take the time to review all the planning and contractors participating in the wedding. The groom is usually responsible for coordinating with his groomsmen and also helps alleviate some costs.
“Always sit down together and look at pros and con of every situation—the venue, the price of the catering and the number of people on the guest list and how to trim it down,” she says. “Get used to it. Compromising now will help prepare both of you for the rest of your life.
“This girl plans to get married once. It’s the biggest day of her life. Learn to give her a little bit more than she gives you.”
(www.asianjournal.com)
(LA Midweek May 18-20, 2011 MDWK pg.2)
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