Chances are, most women share the same thoughts on men. I would never say it out loud, but recently, I started making a list of important characteristics I should look for and want in a man. I tried to finish my list, but decided to keep it open so I can edit, add and delete whenever I feel like changing.
I don’t think any woman is spared from men issues. It made me wonder why there are so many books out there about men. Is it because women don’t understand them? Sometimes I just cannot comprehend why men think and act the way they do.
Having a lot of male friends, there are times when I feel that most men don’t have any clue about dating or what they should do when they like someone. So I reached out to a close friend, Troy Dizon, the first and only Filipino master dating guru and a professional dating coach and discussed his proven thoughts on the five attributes of a real man. I want to call this the ‘restoration miracle.’
Leadership: “Guys you will lead until you die.”
Did it ever occur to men that no matter what, women, most especially those who are career -oriented and strong, will always want a guy to lead?
Women will always be attracted to leaders. However, Troy mentions that this is easier said than done especially if you’re used to always being the follower-type—not speaking up even if you want to say something. Or if all throughout your life, you’ve been the passive-type.
Start with opening up more to women. Instead of barraging us with questions about what our favorite weekend past time is during a date, share your own favorite activities and hobbies. Just that mere act of “being first” shows us that you already have leadership potential. From there, suggest stuff we can do, like hike on the weekend or go on a road trip to visit your hometown. Stop being indecisive and take charge.
Women don’t like “wishy-washy” men. It shows a lack of self-confidence. Know where you’re going and if you don’t, don’t make it seem like you do.
Ask a woman about her opinions on conversational topics and please leave the high pitch questioning tone in your cabinet.
Here’s a quick confession from us ladies: we love to test guys. We somehow have this subconscious urge to throw random curve balls at men just so we can test if they have a pair inside their trousers. We’ll throw little comments to see how you react; we won’t call back after we exchange numbers; we’ll wait until the last minute to tell you “yes” on a date.
Now you men may think that’s unfair, but really the truth is we don’t want you to fail. We’re “secretly” hoping that you shake off these tests from us and show us you’re real men by staying calm, cool and collected when it happens. So stay unshakable because women WILL test you!
Everyone wants to have fun. Who doesn’t? Women like to balance work and play time. Having a sense of humor is one way to a woman’s heart. Nothing compares to a gift of laughter.
Now Troy (who I thought was a pretty funny guy just minutes after I met him) says that “trying to be funny” versus “being fun” is the fine line with what can make or break your chances with women. No one wants a try hard jokester. Instead of memorizing punch lines and jokes, guys should focus more on working on what’s funny about their own character and the fun stuff will come out naturally.
Being fun also means having that vibrant aura. Work on smiling guys because we don’t want men that come off too serious. Try being the life of the party for once and let us women take the bench for the first half of the game.
Comfortable in your own skin
Men don’t give themselves too much credit. Don’t think that you’re an average person. Know your worth. Tell about your experiences without bragging—be humble in sharing about yourself. Work on conveying your lifestyle to your date. Bring your date into your world. It conveys who you are without opening your mind and mouth.
Most men are obsessed with who has the bigger… well, everything. At this day and age when women have just as much in terms of career, financial stability, and yes, even the fancy car or house—women look for something beyond a man’s ability to become a good provider.
Attractive men are comfortable with their vulnerabilities and should be able to share them freely without any fear of rejection. Actually Troy says women find that cute more than anything. Seeming too perfect will make you seem super-human, which gives us almost nothing to work with. Let women know your fears, your weaknesses, the things that make you sad so she can work on giving you comfort and support.
This is a simple word that men always overlook. It means steadfast adherence to your actions. It means not being great just for a time or for the sake of wooing the girl, but being consistent all throughout. Women find it very attractive when a man has a sense of purpose higher than him and is dedicated to improve himself everyday to get there.
Here’s a quick note to all the guys who think they have to be successful to win over a woman: women like guys who are “on their way” more than guys who are “already there.” You don’t always have to be the achiever, but knowing you have dreams and that you’re taking steps to achieve them is attractive to us.
Men are individuals who have their own unique characteristics that make them who they are. And it could be as long as an epic novel.
To all the single men out there: look closely and observe. Are you ready to share moments with a woman? Are the thoughts you want to convey good things that you’ve stored or are they harmful?
And to all the single ladies out there: if we expect men to be more in touch with their feelings and be sensitive to our needs, why don’t we give them the chance, the space, and the time to do exactly that?
For this reason, I vow to patiently wait.
Please visit my BFF Troy Dizon’s company, www.247attractiveman.com for cutting-edge daring seminars held all over the US and in Asia.
Elgin Zulueta is the Business Development Director for the International Academy of Film and Television / Bigfoot Entertainment. She finds simple pleasures in the daily grind and turns them into interesting topics for her column. Email her at Elgin.Zulueta@gmail.com and follow her on twitter @elginz.