‘It is OK to ask for help. It is not a weakness’: Addressing the holiday blues and persevering the second Christmas in the age of COVID

Photo by Anthony Tran on Unsplash

LAST year, Charlene Fernandez had a Christmas she would rather just forget.

A fourth-year animal science student at Cal Poly Pomona, Fernandez, 23, spent Christmas Day alone in her dimly-lit studio apartment sat in front of her computer.

Zoom was open on the screen which featured a couple dozen family members on it. She was one of the only guests on the Zoom who lived alone; almost every other square on the screen had multiple people, individual families who had the fortune of living together during the pandemic.

“When you’re Filipino, Christmas is a big deal, and the bigger your family, the bigger the celebration,” Fernandez told the Asian Journal. “Zoom parties can be a good alternative to meeting in person, but for me, it sucked, to put it bluntly.”

Aside from the obvious threat of the usual cold season ailments — and, of course, the onset of a new Covid variant — seasonal affective disorder and other types of depression is the top issue facing families and individuals this holiday season.

“Without support, mental health problems can quickly snowball and have a deep impact on our lives,” LA County Supervisor Kathryn Barger said at a press conference hosted by Ethnic Media Services on Monday, Nov. 22.

“But there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Our county is committed to providing residents with the tools to get well and thrive,” she said.

Depression, anxiety, and mental health disorders exacerbate when social inequalities and isolation exist, and the COVID-19 pandemic accelerated all manner of stress on millions of families.

For Fernandez, loneliness was one of the hardest things to overcome.

“I never felt depression before the pandemic, but it hit me so hard, being so far away from my family,” said Fernandez, who added that her family lives in the Bay Area and that she had moved to LA County to attend school in 2018.

The big Zoom hangout with her family last year was bittersweet, she said: seeing her family made her smile, but the bounds and limitations of virtual

“For one, there was a lot of crosstalk so it was hard to get a word in. Secondly, a lot of families that were together and sharing a Zoom square seemed to be enjoying their individual parties. They all made all this amazing food and I felt so sad I was just eating really lame leftovers,” she added, laughing.

But she didn’t realize until weeks later how hard the 2020 holiday season affected her.

“I started just feeling so down out of nowhere. I think I was just so burnt out from the monotony of life at that point that it was hard to concentrate,” she said. “I didn’t know how to define it because I just never thought I could really have depression, like real, crippling depression.”

And Fernandez isn’t alone in thinking that. In many communities, especially immigrant communities, depression and all manners of mental health are still stigmatized to the point where it’s just safer to not talk about it.

“For generations, people of color have not been able to use their voice. We’re used to being silent, to stuffing our feelings,” Dr. Jorge Partida del Toro, chief of psychology at the LA County Department of Mental Health, said during the press conference.

“We learn that what makes us strong is to be silent. We need to teach our children that the opposite is true, to stay connected and share,” he added.

Del Toro added that the COVID-19 pandemic has made it difficult for people who have lost loved ones to “grieve properly.”

“The ritual of being able to let go and say goodbye is interrupted and because we’re afraid of being so open and honest, there’s a tendency to hold onto this prolonged grief,” he said, adding that this accelerates self-destructive behaviors like self-harm, addiction, suicide attempts, violence, and other indirect ways of expressing “unresolved grief.”

Noting the economic downturn, job losses, and general financial frustrations that the pandemic brought on, Barger noted that these stresses and mental health issues, which can feel so individual, are wildly common.

But communities, like the Asian American community, may feel less inclined to merely recognize when any kind of psychiatric intervention is needed.

The American Psychological Association found that while 18% of the general American population has sought mental health services and help, only about 8.6% of Asian Americans have ever done so. As previously written about in the Asian Journal, reasons such as familial shame, lack of education in mental health, and practical barriers like linguistic inaccessibility often stop Asians from seeking psychiatric help.

“Mental health stress doesn’t discriminate. Please know that you are not alone. The holiday blues can impact anyone of any age and background,” she said. “It is OK to ask for help. It is not a weakness, it is a sign of strength that you are putting your health first to be able to be there for your family.”

Two things really helped Fernandez better manage her depression: getting the courage to talk to her younger brother about how she’s feeling and meditation.

“My brother and I have a relationship where we don’t really talk about serious stuff, but I just called him and asked, ‘Hey, are you also kind of feeling not so good?’ And to my surprise, he said he was and we just started talking about how life just generally sucks and how we’re feeling about being so far from each other,” Fernandez said.

“We started talking on the phone more and sharing what we’re doing to feel better on the day-to-day and he shared with me that he tried meditation, so I decided to give it a go and it’s really helped me out,” she said, noting that she uses the Headspace application, which actually has collaborated with LA County to cater to residents of the vast and diverse county.

For those seeking mental health resources, LA County has an around-the-clock hotline, (800) 854-7771 that can help residents connect with mental health professionals.

Klarize Medenilla

Klarize Medenilla is a staff writer and reporter for the Asian Journal. You can reach her at [email protected].

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